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Many blessings,
Tony
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
You Talk Too Much
Be honest. Is there a person with whom every time you have a conversation, it's really more of a monologue? If you're lucky enough to get a complete sentence in, they take what you've said and give an in-depth example about an experience from their own life that exemplifies your point. You listen... and then open your mouth, only for the oxygen to be vacuumed from your oral cavity by their rapid inhalation and quick-fire chattering which completely redirects the conversation. How can they lock, load, and fire that fast anyway?! After 30 minutes, you find that a wide variety of topics have been covered, but you are still loaded with unspoken thoughts which you were unable to voice.
Or maybe it's the guy in Sunday School or Board Meetings who always has an opinion on everything. Before the presentation is made in its completion and the floor is open for discussion, you know how he feels about it all. During the discussion time, if someone else offers an opinion or a thought, he is usually the first to rebuttal or clarify. Many times, his words have put himself in an un-defendable position, but he is unwilling to bend. Or perhaps you "misunderstood what he said" at first. Sometimes I'm amazed at how quickly someone can form an opinion and fire it off. Like a quick-draw, rapid-fire fully automatic Bla-Gun.
The biblical book of Proverbs has some advice for us here:
- Did you get that? Even a fool is sometimes considered wise if he'll keep his mouth shut long enough.
- I can think of quite a few people for whom I have the utmost respect in this area. They are incredibly wise, and biblically knowledgeable. But they don't talk a whole lot. In fact, it's almost like these people get great pleasure from hearing others work out the truth themselves, instead of offering quick answers and advise. I can't remember many, if any, times when these individuals have flipped their lid or gotten extremely angry over anything. They listen. They evaluate. And when they are sure of their convictions, they speak them with brevity, precision, and clarity.
- An old line I've heard in many different sitcoms and movies throughout the years goes like this: "That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble some day!" Okay, okay... maybe my parents have said it to me a time or two as well... It is amazing how words can absolutely destroy someone. Take Nancy Pelosi's infamous line from recent political barrage: "We have to pass the bill so you can find out what's in it." She'll never live that one down. So many examples, so little space here.
- And gossip... can we touch on this?... at the time of delivery, it seems so satisfying. But it will consume you. It will infect even your "inner-most being." If you've ever gotten sucked into gossip with someone, you will probably admit that it has a profound affect on your relationship with him or her, as well as on your own psychological and physical well-being. Pretty soon, every time you are around your fellow gossiper, all you can talk about is the news surrounding the object of your gossip. Soon enough, every time you see the person about whom you are gossiping, or ever hear her name spoken, you are filled with animosity and negativity. Surely there is something more relationally - and even physically - healthy to discuss.
- Giving instructions before a 2nd grade assignment, there are usually two or three hands that pop up during the teacher's explanation. And what does she say?... "Please hold your questions until I am finished explaining the assignment." Many times in a conversation, the "listener" (and I use the term lightly) will ask questions, make statements, and interject thoughts while the "talker" is delivering. Not only rude, says Proverbs 18:13... but foolish. Listen for understanding.
- I love reading words like "disgraceful" in passages like these. If you look up synonyms for "disgraceful," you'll probably find words like "shameful," and "blameworthy." Let me give you a clue, friend... when you speak before listening, it drastically reduces your level of perceived intelligence. You often look foolish. And many times, you are put to shame because of your arrogant ignorance.
- Usually, we think of words as something that come FROM our body, and not INTO it. That is true. But what we say has its fruit, and this fruit is that with which we fill our stomachs. If the words of your mouth are slanderous, impure, malicious, or deceitful, you are being satisfied with the consumption of those traits. Your heart and psyche are being fed by these appalling victuals. However, if your words are loving, kind, empathetic, and considerate, you are feasting on the delectable cuisine of righteousness.
- Life and death. The most basic certainties of this world. They are in your tongue. Do you speak life, or do you speak death? The one you allow to permeate your speech will be the one which characterizes your existence on this planet. It's your choice.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Or maybe it's the guy in Sunday School or Board Meetings who always has an opinion on everything. Before the presentation is made in its completion and the floor is open for discussion, you know how he feels about it all. During the discussion time, if someone else offers an opinion or a thought, he is usually the first to rebuttal or clarify. Many times, his words have put himself in an un-defendable position, but he is unwilling to bend. Or perhaps you "misunderstood what he said" at first. Sometimes I'm amazed at how quickly someone can form an opinion and fire it off. Like a quick-draw, rapid-fire fully automatic Bla-Gun.
"The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding. Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning, when he seals his lips." (Proverbs 17:27-28)
- Did you get that? Even a fool is sometimes considered wise if he'll keep his mouth shut long enough.
- I can think of quite a few people for whom I have the utmost respect in this area. They are incredibly wise, and biblically knowledgeable. But they don't talk a whole lot. In fact, it's almost like these people get great pleasure from hearing others work out the truth themselves, instead of offering quick answers and advise. I can't remember many, if any, times when these individuals have flipped their lid or gotten extremely angry over anything. They listen. They evaluate. And when they are sure of their convictions, they speak them with brevity, precision, and clarity.
"A fool's lips lead to strife, and his mouth provokes a beating. A fool's mouth is his devastation, and his lips are a trap for his life. A gossip's words are like choice food that goes down to one's innermost being." (Proverbs 18:6-8)
- An old line I've heard in many different sitcoms and movies throughout the years goes like this: "That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble some day!" Okay, okay... maybe my parents have said it to me a time or two as well... It is amazing how words can absolutely destroy someone. Take Nancy Pelosi's infamous line from recent political barrage: "We have to pass the bill so you can find out what's in it." She'll never live that one down. So many examples, so little space here.
- And gossip... can we touch on this?... at the time of delivery, it seems so satisfying. But it will consume you. It will infect even your "inner-most being." If you've ever gotten sucked into gossip with someone, you will probably admit that it has a profound affect on your relationship with him or her, as well as on your own psychological and physical well-being. Pretty soon, every time you are around your fellow gossiper, all you can talk about is the news surrounding the object of your gossip. Soon enough, every time you see the person about whom you are gossiping, or ever hear her name spoken, you are filled with animosity and negativity. Surely there is something more relationally - and even physically - healthy to discuss.
"The one who gives an answer before he listens - this is foolishness and disgrace for him." (Proverbs 18:13)
- Giving instructions before a 2nd grade assignment, there are usually two or three hands that pop up during the teacher's explanation. And what does she say?... "Please hold your questions until I am finished explaining the assignment." Many times in a conversation, the "listener" (and I use the term lightly) will ask questions, make statements, and interject thoughts while the "talker" is delivering. Not only rude, says Proverbs 18:13... but foolish. Listen for understanding.
- I love reading words like "disgraceful" in passages like these. If you look up synonyms for "disgraceful," you'll probably find words like "shameful," and "blameworthy." Let me give you a clue, friend... when you speak before listening, it drastically reduces your level of perceived intelligence. You often look foolish. And many times, you are put to shame because of your arrogant ignorance.
"From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is satisfied; he is filled with the product of his lips. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Proverbs 18:20-21)
- Usually, we think of words as something that come FROM our body, and not INTO it. That is true. But what we say has its fruit, and this fruit is that with which we fill our stomachs. If the words of your mouth are slanderous, impure, malicious, or deceitful, you are being satisfied with the consumption of those traits. Your heart and psyche are being fed by these appalling victuals. However, if your words are loving, kind, empathetic, and considerate, you are feasting on the delectable cuisine of righteousness.
- Life and death. The most basic certainties of this world. They are in your tongue. Do you speak life, or do you speak death? The one you allow to permeate your speech will be the one which characterizes your existence on this planet. It's your choice.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Church Fellowship & Normality: 5 Reasons to Get Plugged In
This past Monday, school started again. This year, I put my youngest son in Kindergarten. I don't care how old you actually are... that makes you feel a good 5-10 years older. With school starting back, church activities reverted to their normal schedule again last night. Women's Bible study, Men's Bible study, Children and Youth activities, and Music Ministry rehearsals... they all resumed their normal school-year schedule yesterday, and as far as I'm concerned, it could not have come soon enough. Last night was like a Red Bull to our church's adrenaline levels. I'm so glad to be back into regular fellowship with my church family, and to have some level of normality in our schedule again.
That being said, I would like to offer you:
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FIVE reasons you should get plugged in to a local Bible-believing church.
2. Galatians 6:1-10. Mutual accountability and encouragement. (1) You need someone to hold you spiritually accountable. I do too. Together, we function as symbiotic organisms, coming together as one for mutual benefit. Lone-Ranger Christians, flying solo in their faith, are at an incredible disadvantage here. Yes, the Holy Spirit testifies within us when we sin against God. But if we are quenching the Holy Spirit, then His proddings will not always be felt. Sometimes, a verbal word of accountability is necessary. I alone am responsible for my sin, but it is your job to help restore me (through admonishment and encouragement) when I fall. (2) You need someone to lift you up. Life is hard. We should do it together, as a team. The burdens you have - death of a loved one, familial difficulties, financial strain, health problems - are too much for you to carry alone. Let your brothers and sisters help you bear that load.
3. Hebrews 10:23-25. Spiritual depression brought on by the recognition of spiritual oppression can be softened through spiritual fellowship. Look around. The world is decaying. Degrading. Dying. It is getting more and more difficult to live out the Christian faith. More and more, believers around the globe are being spiritually oppressed. If you're trying to stand alone, you'll be more apt to spiritual depression. It manifests itself in thoughts like, "What's the use in evangelizing? - Jesus is coming back soon anyway." Or, "There's just no hope for these godless individuals." Or even more seriously, "Why should I worry so much about living a holy lifestyle if I'm covered by the blood of Jesus anyway?" Spiritual depression. But if you're part of an active body of believers, encouragement finds you. Just as the Holy Spirit speaks to you about you, He also speaks to your brothers and sisters about you. I often find the encouragement I need from a church member who knows absolutely nothing of the situation I'm facing or the thoughts I'm entertaining. God's SSRI prescribed for spiritual depression is encouragement from other believers in the church body.
4. Psalm 68:24-26, 35. There is just something about corporate worship. When believers gather together to praise and worship God, His power and strength is imparted to them. God is "awe-inspiring" in His sanctuaries. In the fellowship of His children and in the corporate worship of His majesty, God "gives power and strength" to His people. A pep rally, of sorts. It reminds us of our position in Christ. It reminds us that because of our adopted sonship or daughtership, we have the exclusive privilege of capitalizing on the victory that belongs to us as children of the King. Sunday mornings are good. For a top-off, come on Sunday nights! And for a mid-week fill-up, come on Wednesday evenings.
5. 1 Corinthians 12:12-31. Being active in the local church is vital to its success; not only do you need the church, the church needs you. Upon receiving Christ as Savior, the Holy Spirit imparted to you spiritual gift(s). When all the members of the church body are using their spiritual giftedness for the edification of the church and the advancement of the gospel message, the local church is a well-maintained, fitly healthy organism. Each part of its body is vitally important to its mission. If one part of the body becomes dead weight, the rest of the body feels it. If one part of the body thinks of itself more highly than it aught, the rest of the body feels that too. Don't just go to church. Be the church.
I pray you'll capitalize on the newness of this season by taking advantage of the opportunity to join in regular fellowship with a local church body, and by allowing its schedule to become a normal part of your family's routine. Don't fly solo. Don't be a Lone-Ranger. Plug in.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Personal Faith
Name-droppers. You know who I'm talking about. In normal conversation, they seem to be able to work in the name of some famous (or quasi-famous) individual they think you might know. The conversation could be about the internet, and somehow you learn in its course that he knows someone who knows Al Gore. Or maybe the conversation is about worship music, and she drops the name of her personal friend, "Lincoln Brewster," in there a few times. Sometimes it's a sprinkling on the top of the conversation. And other times, the conversation takes a 90 degree turn, becoming more about the name-dropper's relationship with their friend (the dropped name) than about the original topic at hand.
The funny thing is that the dropped name is usually "a good friend" of the dropper's. "Yeah, we used to hang out." Or "I know his family real well." When in actuality, if you pry into their relationship, you find out the name-dropper delivered desk-mail to the droppee at some point. Or shook their hand after a conference. Or maybe they're friends on Facebook (which, we all know, means that their friendship is firmly established, of course).
Why do they do it? Because they honestly believe that dropping the name of a famous person makes them seem more intelligent, informed, or significant. For some reason, just being who they are doesn't speak loud enough. They think that by connecting themselves with someone more established, they'll be able to fabricate more respect in their relationship with you.
I've met people who use the name of Jesus in that way. They're Name-droppers. When things seem to be beyond their realm of control, they'll drop the name of Jesus (or more frequently, "God"), and expect that everything will magically get better. Their parents or grandparents were strong believers. And according to the Name-dropper, that gives him or her the privilege of dropping the name of God into any conversation - thereby automatically increasing their level of significance and faith. It's like a lucky charm. "I know someone who knows Him. That gives me the privilege of claiming personal relationship."
In Acts 19, we read a story of some Jewish exorcists (magicians, more than likely) who tried to drop two names at once in order to capitalize on Gods power over demons. Ephesus was home to a 400 foot tall by 200 foot wide statue of Artemis, the Greek multi-breasted goddess of fertility. Thousands of pilgrims came to her regularly to receive the blessings they thought she could give. These Jewish exorcists had allowed Greek mythology to infect their historic belief systems, and began to assimilate her into their religion.
Along comes Paul (Acts 19:11-17). God was doing some crazy amazing stuff through Paul. Just touching a garment Paul had worn was bringing healing from disease and freedom from demonic stronghold. The Jewish exorcists saw this, and they wanted a piece of the action. So they became Name-droppers. To a demon, they said, "I command you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches!" Somehow, they thought, the demons would be impressed by their imagined relationship with Paul and Jesus. Somehow, they thought, saying what Paul said and sprinkling on top the name of Jesus would give them authority over evil. Somehow, they thought, if they could just throw the name of Jesus and a great Apostle in there, the demons would bow at their feet and pay homage to their power and ability. They thought they would be more significant. More authoritative. More effective... if they just dropped the names of Jesus and Paul in there.
Well, reading on, we see that the demons overpowered the seven Jewish exorcists and made fools out of them. They said, "Jesus we know, and Paul we recognize. But who are you?!" Of course the demons knew Jesus. He created them as angels, before they rebelled against Him. And of course they knew Paul. God was using him like they had never seen before. But the seven sons of Sceva, these Jewish exorcists... to the demons, these guys were just Name-droppers. They had no personal relationship with Jesus. Not really.
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Simply speaking the name of Jesus, or appealing to an authoritative church figure will never help you overcome evil. If it is evil you are facing... if it is sin you are battling against... if it is direction and wisdom you need... victory comes from a PERSONAL relationship with Christ. You can drop the name of Jesus wherever you'd like. You can name and claim everything you can possibly imagine. But don't expect evil to gravel at your feet in submission unless you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
That means Christians too. Some of us have been sucked into the erroneous belief that if we'll just speak the name of Jesus over our problems, they will magically vanish, and we'll capitalize on the power He has over circumstances and sin alike. But God's desire is for us to know Him. (See John 17:3.) Not to walk for months without studying or considering His word, then suddenly drop His name when we feel it will give us more significance, security, authority, or power.
Without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, those who drop His name have one thing awaiting them. Shame. That's what happened to the seven sons of Sceva. They were overpowered by evil, and they ran away naked and ashamed.
1. Your relationship with some spiritual giant is not enough to overcome evil. Heaven won't be filled with spiritual Name-droppers. It will be occupied by those who KNOW Jesus.
2. Overcoming evil can only be accomplished through the power of God by way of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
3. Attempting to overcome evil without the power of God by way of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will result in failure and shame. Count on it.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
The funny thing is that the dropped name is usually "a good friend" of the dropper's. "Yeah, we used to hang out." Or "I know his family real well." When in actuality, if you pry into their relationship, you find out the name-dropper delivered desk-mail to the droppee at some point. Or shook their hand after a conference. Or maybe they're friends on Facebook (which, we all know, means that their friendship is firmly established, of course).
Why do they do it? Because they honestly believe that dropping the name of a famous person makes them seem more intelligent, informed, or significant. For some reason, just being who they are doesn't speak loud enough. They think that by connecting themselves with someone more established, they'll be able to fabricate more respect in their relationship with you.
I've met people who use the name of Jesus in that way. They're Name-droppers. When things seem to be beyond their realm of control, they'll drop the name of Jesus (or more frequently, "God"), and expect that everything will magically get better. Their parents or grandparents were strong believers. And according to the Name-dropper, that gives him or her the privilege of dropping the name of God into any conversation - thereby automatically increasing their level of significance and faith. It's like a lucky charm. "I know someone who knows Him. That gives me the privilege of claiming personal relationship."
In Acts 19, we read a story of some Jewish exorcists (magicians, more than likely) who tried to drop two names at once in order to capitalize on Gods power over demons. Ephesus was home to a 400 foot tall by 200 foot wide statue of Artemis, the Greek multi-breasted goddess of fertility. Thousands of pilgrims came to her regularly to receive the blessings they thought she could give. These Jewish exorcists had allowed Greek mythology to infect their historic belief systems, and began to assimilate her into their religion.
Along comes Paul (Acts 19:11-17). God was doing some crazy amazing stuff through Paul. Just touching a garment Paul had worn was bringing healing from disease and freedom from demonic stronghold. The Jewish exorcists saw this, and they wanted a piece of the action. So they became Name-droppers. To a demon, they said, "I command you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches!" Somehow, they thought, the demons would be impressed by their imagined relationship with Paul and Jesus. Somehow, they thought, saying what Paul said and sprinkling on top the name of Jesus would give them authority over evil. Somehow, they thought, if they could just throw the name of Jesus and a great Apostle in there, the demons would bow at their feet and pay homage to their power and ability. They thought they would be more significant. More authoritative. More effective... if they just dropped the names of Jesus and Paul in there.
Well, reading on, we see that the demons overpowered the seven Jewish exorcists and made fools out of them. They said, "Jesus we know, and Paul we recognize. But who are you?!" Of course the demons knew Jesus. He created them as angels, before they rebelled against Him. And of course they knew Paul. God was using him like they had never seen before. But the seven sons of Sceva, these Jewish exorcists... to the demons, these guys were just Name-droppers. They had no personal relationship with Jesus. Not really.
---------------------
Simply speaking the name of Jesus, or appealing to an authoritative church figure will never help you overcome evil. If it is evil you are facing... if it is sin you are battling against... if it is direction and wisdom you need... victory comes from a PERSONAL relationship with Christ. You can drop the name of Jesus wherever you'd like. You can name and claim everything you can possibly imagine. But don't expect evil to gravel at your feet in submission unless you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
That means Christians too. Some of us have been sucked into the erroneous belief that if we'll just speak the name of Jesus over our problems, they will magically vanish, and we'll capitalize on the power He has over circumstances and sin alike. But God's desire is for us to know Him. (See John 17:3.) Not to walk for months without studying or considering His word, then suddenly drop His name when we feel it will give us more significance, security, authority, or power.
Without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, those who drop His name have one thing awaiting them. Shame. That's what happened to the seven sons of Sceva. They were overpowered by evil, and they ran away naked and ashamed.
---------------------
1. Your relationship with some spiritual giant is not enough to overcome evil. Heaven won't be filled with spiritual Name-droppers. It will be occupied by those who KNOW Jesus.
2. Overcoming evil can only be accomplished through the power of God by way of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
3. Attempting to overcome evil without the power of God by way of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will result in failure and shame. Count on it.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Sunday, August 7, 2011
The Response
There has been much skepticism and disillusionment surrounding the event. And I would like to offer a quick thought regarding this... I think every Christian in their right mind would agree that we NEED public, elected officials to call our Nation to prayer and repentance. We should (and I'm going to assume that we all DO) long for the day when we see a Nehemiah 8-10 revival... public confession, repentance, scripture reading, and prayer - in our own cultural/national setting. But what would happen if this ever occurred? Two things:
1. Non-Christian secular activists would try everything in their power to stop it. They would sue, protest, and bad-mouth those who organize, publicize, participate in, or support the gathering. They would label the event as unconstitutional, offensive, and a step away from reality. Newspaper editors and broadcasters would shrug their shoulders at the idiocracy implied in the idea that an All-Powerful diety can really be the answer to our economic problems.
2. Many Christian leaders would disregard the event as nothing more than a politically motivated candidacy rally. They would tell all of their Christian friends that this rally is bound for spiritual failure because its motivation isn't pure. They would make fun of the speaker selection. They would dissect every word spoken and every idea presented (or NOT presented) and use it as fuel for their nay-saying fire. They would take offense that their specific denomination wasn't represented more visibly.
I don't think you need me to tell you this... but this is EXACTLY the fog that has surrounded the Response event in Houston. I wonder if we are going to miss out on a real God-lead revival because we (the Christians) are skeptical of a leader's motivation or party affiliation.
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I think on the Nehemiah revival at the Watergate of Jerusalem and I remember that the people of God's promise first separated themselves from those not covered under the promise. One cannot be revived unless he or she has first been vived, so to speak. So I am not very concerned with the non-Christian public's response to the historic event in Houston this past weekend. No, what really concerns me is the activity, blogosphere, leadership murmurings, and publicity (or lack of it) from the Christian community.
In Philippians Chapter 1, Paul teaches us what really matters is that Christ is proclaimed. And whether that is out of false motives or pure, as long as Christ is truthfully represented and His kingdom is expanded, God will receive glory. I can't tell you how many times I heard the name of Jesus Christ preached, read from scripture, sung, shouted, proclaimed, or prayed in yesterday's event. I heard three U.S. Governors proclaim the name of Jesus boldly and unapologetically. I heard two of them read scripture and pray in Jesus' name. I heard one of them PREACH to the Christians in America!!! Paul would stand before us today and say, just like he said to the church in Philippi almost 2000 years ago, "Their motivation doesn't matter!" What matters is that Christ is highly honored, His truth is proclaimed, and His gospel is presented.
On a side note, how are we to know the intentions of anyone involved? Was Rick Perry using this to promote his candidacy for the office of President in the 2012 election? I don't know. Maybe. But only time can tell us the answer to that question. And that, only if Perry reveals it in his speech or actions. It is my assumption that the nay-saying Christians will pick apart any word he speaks in upcoming months/years to prove their point that he was not sincere in his calling the nation to repentance and prayer. Is it possible to discern from his future speeches and actions if this was true? I believe so. But let us be very careful about projecting our observations of someone else's inward motivation onto them, regardless of party or denominational affiliation. Far-be-it from me to have the ability to discern the inward thoughts of a man's heart. That task is left rightfully to God alone.
Was this revival? Again, only time will tell. A big prayer-and-repentance provoking event without continual obedience to God's directives and fervent supplication/intercession for those in leadership is like a great golf-swing with no follow-through. Nice form. Nice contact. And the ball goes in the right direction. It just doesn't get very far. Yesterday was a great swing - now it's time to follow through.
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WHAT CAN WE DO?
Instead of me making thoughtful suggestions, let's pull our ongoing obligations for revival straight from the Nehemiah revival. After weeping, repenting, and singing, the leaders got together to study the Word of God. They found very specific areas in which they were not being obedient to God's commands (yesterday, the themes of abortion, racism, and homosexuality continuously surfaced). So if we were going to follow the Nehemiah revival for direction from here - if we're serious about revival, that is - then our next step is for our leaders... political, ecclesiological, and familial... to study the Word of God intensely with relation to our current predicaments. What are our obligations? Are there areas of direction from God's Word in which we have been disobedient? How should we address these issues?
Next, all of the people made a covenant. The areas of sin that God had revealed to them... the specific things they were to address... the nation made a written agreement to relent and turn from. They were very specific in their naming of each sin. Without a firm commitment to obedience, yesterday's rally will amount to little more than a peppy one-day conference. We must assemble and agree affirmatively and stately that we (Christians) will practice righteousness from now on. At one point in yesterday's activities, Dr. Tony Evans called the church to "stop playing hide-and-go-seek" in the middle of our culture. It's time the church of God boldly and lovingly BE the church of God. That means you. And me. Firmly taking a stand for Christ. Among our friends. Our coworkers. Our representatives. Our family. Speaking truth in love. Not hiding from controversy in shame.
Was yesterday the beginning of a third Great Awakening? I believe that is left up to us. I honestly think it can be. But it requires more than one assembly. More than reverence for God's Truth. More than singing. More than repentance. It requires follow-through.
Do you want to experience revival? I sure do. Instead of dividing ourselves over motives or party lines, let's unite over a common purpose... that Christ is highly honored wether in our life or death. That the Church BE the church God has called us to be. That Christians begin to stand for Truth in a culture that is in desperate need of what we have found.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
LGBT Education in California Public Schools
Recently, the California Legislature has adopted legislation that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender education be added to the curriculum in its public school system. Click here to read a discussion between NPR's Robert Seigel and California State Senator Mark Leno (the author of the bill).
Years ago, when the homosexual agenda was starting to be pushed through our culture, I remember warning (along with many other Christian brothers and sisters) about this happening... That if the Christian community didn't start addressing the issue biblically, individuals practicing a homosexual lifestyle would be equated to a race - and as a race, they would be treated the same as Hispanics, African Americans, Asians, Native Americans, Caucasians, etc. If homosexuality is genetic, then being homosexual would be equivalent (for legal purposes) to being of a specific cultural background. Now, see yesterday's quote below from Senator Mark Leno:
"Our current education code requires that the role and contributions of African, Asian, Mexican, Native, European Americans, women and other traditionally overlooked communities be included in our school curriculum. All this bill does is adds that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender Americans, along with those from the disability community, also have their roles and contributions included in our curriculum."
Do you see what has happened? Being LBG or T is now equated with being an ethnicity or another form of genetically assigned characteristic (such as disabled, "male," or "female"). However, scientific study and homosexual activists have yet to prove that gender preference is strictly genetic or biological in nature. For my thoughts on homosexuality from a biblical perspective and on the social, spiritual, and biological angles on the topic, please read these blogs from an earlier date:
I obviously have some biblical problems with this new curriculum. But over the past two weeks, I have heard numerous commentators and interviewees speak for the legislation on the basis that many "Christian" communities have adapted their historic stands on homosexuality to fit the culture in which we live. "Christian" denominations such as the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, the Metropolitan Community Church, various breakaways from the Pentecostal denomination, the United Church of Christ, and the Episcopal church in America take pro-homosexual stands in the name of Jesus. By their conformation to the standards of our culture, they are misrepresenting the text of the Bible and the Savior of mankind. When the pages of the Bible are edited, reinterpreted, or ignored in an effort to make its message more palatable or acceptable among any culture, the authority of the Word of God is compromised and the repercussions are dire.
Shame on us Christians for allowing the message of the gospel to be so grotesquely miscommunicated that pseudo-intellectuals in the biblical realm can twist the message about God's redemptive plan into a politically correct, inclusive, excusatory treatise on all things "ex-sinful." How are we to blame? By not standing for Truth in the midst of error. Things like this don't happen overnight. At first, we didn't see homosexuality as a serious threat to the message about Christ. Then, we were confronted by the reality that our friends and family members were the ones practicing homosexuality and we were tolerant of its sin without communicating the salvific truth revealed in scripture. And now, we are sleeping in the bed of inclusion that we began to make so tolerantly years ago.
I also have some cultural uneasiness with this legislation. Firstly, the new curriculum is to span the entire public school system from grades K-12. I don't see the need to teach Kindergarten children about sexuality on any level. It has never been a priority that these children (or ANY children spanning the gamut of age or grade level) learn the heterosexual practices of historical figures, and I don't see how it is beneficial, other than to promote a pro-homosexual agenda, to teach these children the sexual practices of historical figures now. And I don't think I'm alone on this...
Because secondly, I believe the exponential increase in the number of children being homeschooled or private-schooled should reveal the discontent over practices, policies, and curricular content of the public school system within the average American home. I have dear friends who are public educators. I myself obtained a degree in public education and was certified to teach in Texas schools at all levels. It is a profession I hold in high regard. But if the liberal agenda is continued to be shoved through our public school systems, the American public WILL (I would hope anyway) respond with conviction by providing a different avenue of education for their children.
Thirdly, if sexuality has a place in public education, it is definitely NOT in the History department. I disagree with sex education in the schools. I believe it is the job of the parents in the home to educate their children on these matters. But if sex education has a place in the school system, it would more appropriately belong in the Health or Biology departments. Why is the legislation putting this curriculum in the History department? - Because biologically and anatomically, homosexuality does not make sense. The proof to which they are appealing is that certain popular historical figures practiced homosexual behavior on some level. Through this legislation... on the basis of historical and societal appeal, demoralization of a culture will occur.
----------------------------------------
Where does this leave us now? Christian, it's time you stand for your biblical convictions in the face of opposition and even societal estrangement. I have many friends who are homosexual, some of them, whom I'm sure, are reading this blog. And I have tried very hard to convey to them my heartfelt convictions about their lifestyle. They know where I stand on the issue, and we are able to have dialogue about it. I, nor any other true Christian leader, would ever endorse violent or uncivil actions against homosexuals or any other person living in sin against God. We are to love... and to speak the truth out of that love.
Christian, allow me to let you in on some insight for our future...
1. The homosexual issue is not going away.
Quietly hiding behind a veil of "love and tolerance" and turning a blind eye or a deaf ear toward the homosexual agenda is not working. My children and your children will be faced with the imminence of the homosexual lifestyle and debate. If we are going to reach our lost world and offer them real hope that can only be found in Christ Jesus, we need to accept that the LGBT issue is present and real. Maybe that should shape the way we address sexuality with our children. Maybe that should bring new levels of conviction concerning the TV shows we watch or the places we frequent. Whatever the implications, know that the emergence of these kinds of legislations - as coupled with a generally universalistic approach to spirituality in America - is quickly bringing the homosexual issue to its apex.
2. Because the issue is increasingly intrusive, we should know what we believe and why we believe it.
God has called us to be salt and light. If the salt loses its flavor, what good is it? If you hide your light behind anything at all, it cannot be seen. What do you believe the Bible teaches about homosexuality? What did Jesus teach? And how do you reconcile that truth with the claims of our culture? You WILL BE confronted with the issue multiple times in the future (if you haven't already been). What will you say when one of your best friends reveals that he has homosexual tendencies? How will you react when your daughter defends homosexuality in a History project? We must live in reality. We should always be aware of our own cultural tendencies and what the Bible teaches about them. And we should be ready, in season and out of season, whether convenient or not, to give a reason for the hope that we have in Christ. Are you ready?
3. In the very near future, Christians in America will be persecuted for their stand against homosexuality.
Because homosexuality is being equated with genetic traits, any word against it will be considered hate speech. Telling someone that homosexuality is wrong and sinful will VERY SOON be met with the same resistance as telling someone it's wrong and sinful to be brown. Many of us will be fined or tried, convicted, and incarcerated for hate speech or for denying equal rights to homosexual couples. At the very least, many of us will be ostracized from our own culture. We will be the quack jobs of the post-postmodern world. And at that time we will have to choose either to stand on biblical truth or to conform to the culture around us.
----------------------------------------
In closing, I would like to re-post the last paragraph of my earlier blog, Homosexuality, the Biblical Perspective (Part 2). It was a short letter to my homosexual friends:
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Years ago, when the homosexual agenda was starting to be pushed through our culture, I remember warning (along with many other Christian brothers and sisters) about this happening... That if the Christian community didn't start addressing the issue biblically, individuals practicing a homosexual lifestyle would be equated to a race - and as a race, they would be treated the same as Hispanics, African Americans, Asians, Native Americans, Caucasians, etc. If homosexuality is genetic, then being homosexual would be equivalent (for legal purposes) to being of a specific cultural background. Now, see yesterday's quote below from Senator Mark Leno:
"Our current education code requires that the role and contributions of African, Asian, Mexican, Native, European Americans, women and other traditionally overlooked communities be included in our school curriculum. All this bill does is adds that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender Americans, along with those from the disability community, also have their roles and contributions included in our curriculum."
Do you see what has happened? Being LBG or T is now equated with being an ethnicity or another form of genetically assigned characteristic (such as disabled, "male," or "female"). However, scientific study and homosexual activists have yet to prove that gender preference is strictly genetic or biological in nature. For my thoughts on homosexuality from a biblical perspective and on the social, spiritual, and biological angles on the topic, please read these blogs from an earlier date:
I obviously have some biblical problems with this new curriculum. But over the past two weeks, I have heard numerous commentators and interviewees speak for the legislation on the basis that many "Christian" communities have adapted their historic stands on homosexuality to fit the culture in which we live. "Christian" denominations such as the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, the Metropolitan Community Church, various breakaways from the Pentecostal denomination, the United Church of Christ, and the Episcopal church in America take pro-homosexual stands in the name of Jesus. By their conformation to the standards of our culture, they are misrepresenting the text of the Bible and the Savior of mankind. When the pages of the Bible are edited, reinterpreted, or ignored in an effort to make its message more palatable or acceptable among any culture, the authority of the Word of God is compromised and the repercussions are dire.
Shame on us Christians for allowing the message of the gospel to be so grotesquely miscommunicated that pseudo-intellectuals in the biblical realm can twist the message about God's redemptive plan into a politically correct, inclusive, excusatory treatise on all things "ex-sinful." How are we to blame? By not standing for Truth in the midst of error. Things like this don't happen overnight. At first, we didn't see homosexuality as a serious threat to the message about Christ. Then, we were confronted by the reality that our friends and family members were the ones practicing homosexuality and we were tolerant of its sin without communicating the salvific truth revealed in scripture. And now, we are sleeping in the bed of inclusion that we began to make so tolerantly years ago.
I also have some cultural uneasiness with this legislation. Firstly, the new curriculum is to span the entire public school system from grades K-12. I don't see the need to teach Kindergarten children about sexuality on any level. It has never been a priority that these children (or ANY children spanning the gamut of age or grade level) learn the heterosexual practices of historical figures, and I don't see how it is beneficial, other than to promote a pro-homosexual agenda, to teach these children the sexual practices of historical figures now. And I don't think I'm alone on this...
Because secondly, I believe the exponential increase in the number of children being homeschooled or private-schooled should reveal the discontent over practices, policies, and curricular content of the public school system within the average American home. I have dear friends who are public educators. I myself obtained a degree in public education and was certified to teach in Texas schools at all levels. It is a profession I hold in high regard. But if the liberal agenda is continued to be shoved through our public school systems, the American public WILL (I would hope anyway) respond with conviction by providing a different avenue of education for their children.
Thirdly, if sexuality has a place in public education, it is definitely NOT in the History department. I disagree with sex education in the schools. I believe it is the job of the parents in the home to educate their children on these matters. But if sex education has a place in the school system, it would more appropriately belong in the Health or Biology departments. Why is the legislation putting this curriculum in the History department? - Because biologically and anatomically, homosexuality does not make sense. The proof to which they are appealing is that certain popular historical figures practiced homosexual behavior on some level. Through this legislation... on the basis of historical and societal appeal, demoralization of a culture will occur.
----------------------------------------
Where does this leave us now? Christian, it's time you stand for your biblical convictions in the face of opposition and even societal estrangement. I have many friends who are homosexual, some of them, whom I'm sure, are reading this blog. And I have tried very hard to convey to them my heartfelt convictions about their lifestyle. They know where I stand on the issue, and we are able to have dialogue about it. I, nor any other true Christian leader, would ever endorse violent or uncivil actions against homosexuals or any other person living in sin against God. We are to love... and to speak the truth out of that love.
Christian, allow me to let you in on some insight for our future...
1. The homosexual issue is not going away.
Quietly hiding behind a veil of "love and tolerance" and turning a blind eye or a deaf ear toward the homosexual agenda is not working. My children and your children will be faced with the imminence of the homosexual lifestyle and debate. If we are going to reach our lost world and offer them real hope that can only be found in Christ Jesus, we need to accept that the LGBT issue is present and real. Maybe that should shape the way we address sexuality with our children. Maybe that should bring new levels of conviction concerning the TV shows we watch or the places we frequent. Whatever the implications, know that the emergence of these kinds of legislations - as coupled with a generally universalistic approach to spirituality in America - is quickly bringing the homosexual issue to its apex.
2. Because the issue is increasingly intrusive, we should know what we believe and why we believe it.
God has called us to be salt and light. If the salt loses its flavor, what good is it? If you hide your light behind anything at all, it cannot be seen. What do you believe the Bible teaches about homosexuality? What did Jesus teach? And how do you reconcile that truth with the claims of our culture? You WILL BE confronted with the issue multiple times in the future (if you haven't already been). What will you say when one of your best friends reveals that he has homosexual tendencies? How will you react when your daughter defends homosexuality in a History project? We must live in reality. We should always be aware of our own cultural tendencies and what the Bible teaches about them. And we should be ready, in season and out of season, whether convenient or not, to give a reason for the hope that we have in Christ. Are you ready?
3. In the very near future, Christians in America will be persecuted for their stand against homosexuality.
Because homosexuality is being equated with genetic traits, any word against it will be considered hate speech. Telling someone that homosexuality is wrong and sinful will VERY SOON be met with the same resistance as telling someone it's wrong and sinful to be brown. Many of us will be fined or tried, convicted, and incarcerated for hate speech or for denying equal rights to homosexual couples. At the very least, many of us will be ostracized from our own culture. We will be the quack jobs of the post-postmodern world. And at that time we will have to choose either to stand on biblical truth or to conform to the culture around us.
----------------------------------------
In closing, I would like to re-post the last paragraph of my earlier blog, Homosexuality, the Biblical Perspective (Part 2). It was a short letter to my homosexual friends:
The Bible is the standard of truth for Christians... therefore, it is inconsistent and hypocritical for a Christian to support or agree with homosexuality.
However, I would like for you to know that God loves you with an everlasting love. He created you specially and wonderfully for His glory. You are significant to Him. So significant in fact, that He gave His own life to satisfy the penalty for sin - yours and mine alike. I was a liar. I was a thief. I was an adulterer at heart. But now I'm a new creation. I still struggle with those desires sometimes, but I have a God who is faithful to walk along side me as a Counselor, and who is also able and willing to forgive me of my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness if I'll only confess it, and agree with Him that it is indeed sin (1 John 1:9).
I don't hate you. And no true Christian would. In fact, I'm not "wierded out" by you or angry with you either. I love you. Really, I do. And if the Bible is reliable and accurate, then the perfect plan that God has for your life will never be actualized until you rid yourself of what He declares to be sin, and place your life in Him. He offers you eternal life, and an abundant, purposeful life here. Becoming a Christian doesn't magically take away our sinful desires, but God does promise the gift of the Holy Spirit who will dwell within you and provide you with truth, comfort, and conviction to help you along your journey.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Predetermination
We talk about determination fairly often as Christians. We should be determined to do God's will. To conduct ourselves in a manner that is worthy of our calling. To cast off sin and put on the Lord Jesus Christ. Christian determination is an attitude of the heart that is fueled by a passionate love for the Lord Jesus. Sometimes, though, as determined as we are to live properly and to walk in fellowship with God, we find ourselves stuck in the middle of that which we are determined to avoid. Our minds are convinced, but our hands and feet are not.
I've been reading in the book of Daniel in my morning Bible study time recently, and I am in awe of Daniel's determination. But as I continue to read, I am struck by something timely for my own Christian walk. Not only was Daniel determined to obey God. He had PRE-determined to obey God.
Daniel is an historical figure to be admired, no doubt. A Judean exiled among the Babylonians, then the Medes and Persians - the very people who captured and overruled Jewish establishment, religion, and institution in the land given to them by God Almighty. Yet, even in the face of dangerous religious difference and godless political activists, Daniel arose to be in several different positions of authority in the governing realm... even among the heathens who had disestablished his people and dispersed them among the nations. There was something about Daniel that set him apart from the rest. Something kings and kingdoms, peoples and rulers admired. Something that God blessed over and over again.
There is nothing wrong with drive. Self-control. Stick-to-it-iveness. Determination. That quality should be yours and increasing, as Peter posits (1 Peter 1:5-8). For in this way, you will guard yourself from being useless and fruitless in the kingdom of God.
Daniel had that. Determination. But his determination was evidently more than a situation-by-situation appraisal of the goods vs evils that may result from a particular course of action. He was pre-determined. His mind was made up without a weighing of pros and cons...
The King James translates the Hebrew suwm ("determined") into "purposed in his heart." The Hebrew verb is in the imperfect Qal tense, meaning it is possible and likely that this was something Daniel had already done. More literally, "Daniel had determined in his heart..." His mind was already made up.
Daniel lived in reality. He knew that being transplanted into the Babylonian court, raised and educated in their customs, and pampered as a showpiece of their society, he would be tempted with defilement by eating food of which God had instructed him not to partake. The Babylonians did not follow Judean customs concerning dietary restrictions. Daniel knew that. So he pre-determined that he would not defile himself with the king's food. And what happened? - God granted Daniel favor and compassion from the authority over him (v. 9).
Later, in Chapter 6, Darius of the Medes was made king after taking the land from the Chaldeans/Babylonians. Daniel, having already been well-established and renown for his wisdom in dream interpretation among the rulers of the preceding empire, was instituted as second in command over the region. His predetermination to follow God's law rather than seek the approval of men had continued to be occupationally beneficial for him.
Some other jealous leaders tricked King Darius into issuing a decree for everyone in his empire to pray to or petition only him (the king) for 30 days. Of course, that didn't fly well with the Judeans in exile under the governing authority of the king. But Daniel, undeterred, continued in his predetermined, daily exercise of praying to God and not the king. How do I know he was predetermined?...
Verses 10-11 of Chapter 6 show us that Daniel had a daily practice. Three times a day, at the same time every day, he prayed to God. The men who tricked King Darius knew exactly where and when to find Daniel on his knees in prayer. Daniel received the news concerning the contemptuous decree. He knew what was at stake. But it really didn't matter. Because he had already predetermined that He was going to be a man who lived a lifestyle of prayer before God. When adversity came, he didn't have to evaluate anything at all - his mind was already made up.
You know the rest of the story - the lion's den and all.
From reflection on this truth in my studies recently, I have learned a few things:
1. God desires leaders and followers who will be informed of His timeless standards, and will predetermine to live them out regardless of consequences.
Governmental, Ecclesiastical, Familial, Societal... you name it. Wherever you find yourself as a leader or follower, God desires for you to know His Word. To know His truth. To know His standards. And to live them out. Without regard for their consequences. His way is always best.
2. God will bless your non-acquiescent actions when they are grounded in a predetermination to live a lifestyle worthy of your calling as a believer in Him.
Established authority, culture, peers, family, and friends all have their own expectations of you. Don't get caught up in what is politically correct, socially correct, or historically correct. But rather, predetermine to be biblically and spiritually correct. When you conform your walk to the character of Christ, and when you predetermine to live by His standards, blessing will come. Material blessings? Not always. Political blessings? Not guaranteed. But spiritual blessings - 100% of the time. See Romans 8:28.
3. To live with purpose and lasting impact, walk in close relationship with the Lord.
Daniel set daily times to seek the face of God. He studied the scriptures to know what God required of Him. He walked in close, obedient fellowship with His Lord. He saved his displaced nation from the sword numerous times. He influenced two different kings of two different nations in such a way that they turned to the One True God instead of their idols. And we are still regurgitating his story today. Think about it.
Grace and peace,
Tony
I've been reading in the book of Daniel in my morning Bible study time recently, and I am in awe of Daniel's determination. But as I continue to read, I am struck by something timely for my own Christian walk. Not only was Daniel determined to obey God. He had PRE-determined to obey God.
Daniel is an historical figure to be admired, no doubt. A Judean exiled among the Babylonians, then the Medes and Persians - the very people who captured and overruled Jewish establishment, religion, and institution in the land given to them by God Almighty. Yet, even in the face of dangerous religious difference and godless political activists, Daniel arose to be in several different positions of authority in the governing realm... even among the heathens who had disestablished his people and dispersed them among the nations. There was something about Daniel that set him apart from the rest. Something kings and kingdoms, peoples and rulers admired. Something that God blessed over and over again.
There is nothing wrong with drive. Self-control. Stick-to-it-iveness. Determination. That quality should be yours and increasing, as Peter posits (1 Peter 1:5-8). For in this way, you will guard yourself from being useless and fruitless in the kingdom of God.
Daniel had that. Determination. But his determination was evidently more than a situation-by-situation appraisal of the goods vs evils that may result from a particular course of action. He was pre-determined. His mind was made up without a weighing of pros and cons...
"Daniel determined that he would not defile himself with the king's food or with the wine he drank."
- Daniel 1:8.
The King James translates the Hebrew suwm ("determined") into "purposed in his heart." The Hebrew verb is in the imperfect Qal tense, meaning it is possible and likely that this was something Daniel had already done. More literally, "Daniel had determined in his heart..." His mind was already made up.
Daniel lived in reality. He knew that being transplanted into the Babylonian court, raised and educated in their customs, and pampered as a showpiece of their society, he would be tempted with defilement by eating food of which God had instructed him not to partake. The Babylonians did not follow Judean customs concerning dietary restrictions. Daniel knew that. So he pre-determined that he would not defile himself with the king's food. And what happened? - God granted Daniel favor and compassion from the authority over him (v. 9).
Later, in Chapter 6, Darius of the Medes was made king after taking the land from the Chaldeans/Babylonians. Daniel, having already been well-established and renown for his wisdom in dream interpretation among the rulers of the preceding empire, was instituted as second in command over the region. His predetermination to follow God's law rather than seek the approval of men had continued to be occupationally beneficial for him.
Some other jealous leaders tricked King Darius into issuing a decree for everyone in his empire to pray to or petition only him (the king) for 30 days. Of course, that didn't fly well with the Judeans in exile under the governing authority of the king. But Daniel, undeterred, continued in his predetermined, daily exercise of praying to God and not the king. How do I know he was predetermined?...
Verses 10-11 of Chapter 6 show us that Daniel had a daily practice. Three times a day, at the same time every day, he prayed to God. The men who tricked King Darius knew exactly where and when to find Daniel on his knees in prayer. Daniel received the news concerning the contemptuous decree. He knew what was at stake. But it really didn't matter. Because he had already predetermined that He was going to be a man who lived a lifestyle of prayer before God. When adversity came, he didn't have to evaluate anything at all - his mind was already made up.
You know the rest of the story - the lion's den and all.
From reflection on this truth in my studies recently, I have learned a few things:
1. God desires leaders and followers who will be informed of His timeless standards, and will predetermine to live them out regardless of consequences.
Governmental, Ecclesiastical, Familial, Societal... you name it. Wherever you find yourself as a leader or follower, God desires for you to know His Word. To know His truth. To know His standards. And to live them out. Without regard for their consequences. His way is always best.
2. God will bless your non-acquiescent actions when they are grounded in a predetermination to live a lifestyle worthy of your calling as a believer in Him.
Established authority, culture, peers, family, and friends all have their own expectations of you. Don't get caught up in what is politically correct, socially correct, or historically correct. But rather, predetermine to be biblically and spiritually correct. When you conform your walk to the character of Christ, and when you predetermine to live by His standards, blessing will come. Material blessings? Not always. Political blessings? Not guaranteed. But spiritual blessings - 100% of the time. See Romans 8:28.
3. To live with purpose and lasting impact, walk in close relationship with the Lord.
Daniel set daily times to seek the face of God. He studied the scriptures to know what God required of Him. He walked in close, obedient fellowship with His Lord. He saved his displaced nation from the sword numerous times. He influenced two different kings of two different nations in such a way that they turned to the One True God instead of their idols. And we are still regurgitating his story today. Think about it.
Grace and peace,
Tony
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Just Like You
Yesterday, we (my family and I) were walking out of a shoe store and I spit in the grass. Immediately, Aaron (my youngest) spit in the grass, and then Ethan (my oldest) did exactly the same. Vanessa and I got a kick out of it, and I was reminded of an instance not too long ago...
About a month or so ago, Ethan came up to me after a Sunday morning service. He gave me a big hug, as he always does, then looked straight into my eyes and said, "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." My eyes immediately swelled with tears. Definitely not tears of pride... No, tears of fear. While I wrapped my arms around his thin little body and squeezed lovingly, I thought, "Son, if you only knew." So many thoughts I wanted to convey. Half a lifetime worth of mistakes and regrets. I wanted to say, "Ethan, when you grow up I hope you are one-hundred times the man I am, or ever have been."
About a month or so ago, Ethan came up to me after a Sunday morning service. He gave me a big hug, as he always does, then looked straight into my eyes and said, "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." My eyes immediately swelled with tears. Definitely not tears of pride... No, tears of fear. While I wrapped my arms around his thin little body and squeezed lovingly, I thought, "Son, if you only knew." So many thoughts I wanted to convey. Half a lifetime worth of mistakes and regrets. I wanted to say, "Ethan, when you grow up I hope you are one-hundred times the man I am, or ever have been." I took some time that night before we prayed to tell him that I'm not perfect. I make mistakes all the time, and my goal is to be more like Jesus every day that I live. He knew that. How? - because I try very hard to relate that simple truth to him and Aaron as often as I can:
I apologize to them a lot. I think I put this in a blog a number of months ago, but it is absolutely worth repeating. Sometimes, I mess up and my children pay for it. To be specific, when I'm stressed or anxious about something, I often fly off the handle over the silliest things. More than once, I've been known to raise my voice in anger when stimulated by a petty offense. Shame on me. When it happens, I apologize to the boys. Face to face. And it's not, "I'm sorry, but..." No, it's just, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice like that - there's no excuse for it." My boys need to know that I mess up, and it is my prayer that I'll provide them with an example of owning up to their own mistakes and swallowing pride long enough to admit those mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
During our prayer times together, I confess sin. Teaching my children how to confess sin before God and walk in fellowship with Him is something I'm passionate about. If it was an angry outburst, I apologize to my kids, and then I confess that sin to God in prayer while they are listening. There are other sins that I don't confess in front of my children, of course... but as a general rule of thumb, if I committed it in front of them, then I confess it in front of them. Likewise, when they commit sin against God, they are encouraged to confess it before Him as well. Not to bring guilt and shame - but instead, to REMOVE guilt and shame. After this prayerful confession, I remind them that God is always faithful and just to forgive our sins every time we confess (1 John 1:9). We can be assured that confession of sin results in restoration - every time.
I am anything but the perfect father. I don't want my children to put me on a pedestal or have some lofty, unrealistic expectation or opinion of me. When they "grow up" (whatever that means - I'm still waiting to grow up myself), it is my prayer that they'll be much more godly than I ever will be. Sure, they'll have to make their own mistakes. But I plan on helping them learn from mine - and on teaching them that there is a forgiving God who is ready to restore. And He is only a confession away.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Five Reasons I Attend A Southern Baptist Church
Reason #1. The Cooperative Program.
When I give my tithe to our local Southern Baptist Church, a percentage of it goes through the State Southern Baptist Convention (SBTC) to the National Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), where it is combined with that of members from over 37,000 other churches in the United States. Through the combination of these funds, in cooperation with other Southern Baptist Churches, I help fund close to 10,000 missionaries world-wide who are daily proclaiming the Word of God and the good news of the Gospel message to billions of people across the globe. Acts 1:8 fleshed out.
Reason #2. Congregational Polity.
Throughout Church history, congregations ruled by a presbyterian form of government or some other form of regional administration have been oppressed... their effectiveness minimized... their focus and vision overshadowed by the needs of bureaucratic authority. Because Southern Baptist churches are ruled autonomously by their own members, each church decides for itself how to best use its funds, resources, and time. They call their own pastors in their own time frame. They program and direct activities and ministries which directly fit the needs of their communities. But most importantly, this is the kind of church polity set forth in the New Testament: Acts 6:1-6, 14:21-28, Titus 1:5-9, Matthew 18:15-20. Every member of a Southern Baptist church has an equal voice in church polity.
Reason #3. Centricity of the Word.
Other Christian denominations hold the Bible up next to church history, leadership, or emotional hype, ascribing equal value to those things and the Scriptures. This is often the cause of great confusion, and always results in depreciation of the authority of God's Word. Southern Baptists regard as paramount the truth found in the sixty-six books of the Bible - canonized and widely accepted as the supreme authority for the Christian's life in matters of both faith and practice. Since its inception, the Southern Baptist Convention has suffered innumerable blows because of this strong stand. Even when unpopular, and regardless of the consequences, the Southern Baptist Convention stands on the authority, inerrancy, infallibility, and inspiration of the Bible. 2 Timothy 3:16 is nonnegotiable. It is not difficult to understand. And it does not change with the seasons or the centuries.
In keeping with this high view of scripture, Southern Baptists are not a creedal people. They are a confessional people. Some Christian denominations adopt, memorize, recite, and canonize a creedal statement of belief. This statement becomes central to their faith and practice. While the Southern Baptists adopt a statement of beliefs, it is not canonized, is not recited, and is always up for amendment as Southern Baptist constituents grow in understanding of the Scriptures and as new cultural difficulties present themselves. You may view the most recent version of the Baptist Faith and Message here: http://www.sbc.net/bfm/bfm2000.asp. In the Southern Baptist denomination, no man-written document will ever be held to the same standard as scripture. The Bible holds its place as the sole authority for Baptist faith and practice.
Reason #4. Focus on Evangelism AND Discipleship.
Historically, as the Free Church grew it divided into those churches which emphasized either evangelism OR discipleship. Although many Southern Baptists would heartifully claim that our denomination has arisen uniquely from the Sandy Creek (evangelistic) tradition, it is apparent to me - and I believe will also be to all who will non-discriminately seek the truth - that Southern Baptists have historically placed equal emphasis on both evangelism AND discipleship. Without a doubt, waves of Southern Baptist life have arisen which accentuated one or the other more predominantly, but the tides have changed periodically as the pendulum has swung more toward the center, and then the opposite end of the spectrum, and then toward the center again... where I believe it to be at our present day. The Great Commission given to us by our Lord, as recorded in Matthew 28:19-20 among other places in Scripture, places equal emphasis on both evangelism and discipleship. I am honored to be a member of a denomination which, in spite of our many variances regarding techniques and methods, adheres to the instruction of our Lord by both evangelizing the lost and discipling believers.
Reason #5. Not A Competition.
For whatever reason, many believers in Christ find themselves drawn to one particular evangelical congregation moreso than another. Southern Baptists do not consider themselves in competition with other Bible-believing, truth-proclaiming, gospel-preaching fellowships of the Christian faith. Instead, we partner with various other churches, denominations, and groups when our values are not compromised and our integrity is not minimized - working together with anyone and everyone who would heed the call to reach a lost and dying world with the life-changing truth of the gospel. You will not usually find a Southern Baptist congregation whose aim is to steal believers from other churches or to have a bigger building, a greater number of bodies, or a wider selection of ministries than the church down the road. Southern Baptists believe that we can, and should, work together for kingdom purposes. In keeping with the truth of Ephesians 4:1-5, we seek the glory of only One - that whether by our life or death, our construction or decay, our success or our failure... that Christ would be highly honored (cf. Philippians 1:20).
Grace and Peace,
Tony
When I give my tithe to our local Southern Baptist Church, a percentage of it goes through the State Southern Baptist Convention (SBTC) to the National Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), where it is combined with that of members from over 37,000 other churches in the United States. Through the combination of these funds, in cooperation with other Southern Baptist Churches, I help fund close to 10,000 missionaries world-wide who are daily proclaiming the Word of God and the good news of the Gospel message to billions of people across the globe. Acts 1:8 fleshed out.Reason #2. Congregational Polity.
Throughout Church history, congregations ruled by a presbyterian form of government or some other form of regional administration have been oppressed... their effectiveness minimized... their focus and vision overshadowed by the needs of bureaucratic authority. Because Southern Baptist churches are ruled autonomously by their own members, each church decides for itself how to best use its funds, resources, and time. They call their own pastors in their own time frame. They program and direct activities and ministries which directly fit the needs of their communities. But most importantly, this is the kind of church polity set forth in the New Testament: Acts 6:1-6, 14:21-28, Titus 1:5-9, Matthew 18:15-20. Every member of a Southern Baptist church has an equal voice in church polity.
Reason #3. Centricity of the Word.
Other Christian denominations hold the Bible up next to church history, leadership, or emotional hype, ascribing equal value to those things and the Scriptures. This is often the cause of great confusion, and always results in depreciation of the authority of God's Word. Southern Baptists regard as paramount the truth found in the sixty-six books of the Bible - canonized and widely accepted as the supreme authority for the Christian's life in matters of both faith and practice. Since its inception, the Southern Baptist Convention has suffered innumerable blows because of this strong stand. Even when unpopular, and regardless of the consequences, the Southern Baptist Convention stands on the authority, inerrancy, infallibility, and inspiration of the Bible. 2 Timothy 3:16 is nonnegotiable. It is not difficult to understand. And it does not change with the seasons or the centuries.
In keeping with this high view of scripture, Southern Baptists are not a creedal people. They are a confessional people. Some Christian denominations adopt, memorize, recite, and canonize a creedal statement of belief. This statement becomes central to their faith and practice. While the Southern Baptists adopt a statement of beliefs, it is not canonized, is not recited, and is always up for amendment as Southern Baptist constituents grow in understanding of the Scriptures and as new cultural difficulties present themselves. You may view the most recent version of the Baptist Faith and Message here: http://www.sbc.net/bfm/bfm2000.asp. In the Southern Baptist denomination, no man-written document will ever be held to the same standard as scripture. The Bible holds its place as the sole authority for Baptist faith and practice.
Reason #4. Focus on Evangelism AND Discipleship.
Historically, as the Free Church grew it divided into those churches which emphasized either evangelism OR discipleship. Although many Southern Baptists would heartifully claim that our denomination has arisen uniquely from the Sandy Creek (evangelistic) tradition, it is apparent to me - and I believe will also be to all who will non-discriminately seek the truth - that Southern Baptists have historically placed equal emphasis on both evangelism AND discipleship. Without a doubt, waves of Southern Baptist life have arisen which accentuated one or the other more predominantly, but the tides have changed periodically as the pendulum has swung more toward the center, and then the opposite end of the spectrum, and then toward the center again... where I believe it to be at our present day. The Great Commission given to us by our Lord, as recorded in Matthew 28:19-20 among other places in Scripture, places equal emphasis on both evangelism and discipleship. I am honored to be a member of a denomination which, in spite of our many variances regarding techniques and methods, adheres to the instruction of our Lord by both evangelizing the lost and discipling believers.
Reason #5. Not A Competition.
For whatever reason, many believers in Christ find themselves drawn to one particular evangelical congregation moreso than another. Southern Baptists do not consider themselves in competition with other Bible-believing, truth-proclaiming, gospel-preaching fellowships of the Christian faith. Instead, we partner with various other churches, denominations, and groups when our values are not compromised and our integrity is not minimized - working together with anyone and everyone who would heed the call to reach a lost and dying world with the life-changing truth of the gospel. You will not usually find a Southern Baptist congregation whose aim is to steal believers from other churches or to have a bigger building, a greater number of bodies, or a wider selection of ministries than the church down the road. Southern Baptists believe that we can, and should, work together for kingdom purposes. In keeping with the truth of Ephesians 4:1-5, we seek the glory of only One - that whether by our life or death, our construction or decay, our success or our failure... that Christ would be highly honored (cf. Philippians 1:20).
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Monday, June 13, 2011
Blessed By the Best
"Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much.
But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” - Luke 7:47.
Last Saturday, Vanessa and I were on our way to a dance recital to watch two of our friends' girls perform. (Side note: they were absolutely phenomenal!) We were running a little early, and had just eaten, so we decided to stop at a convenient store and pick up some gum on the way. I have to admit - for the sake of the other 400 people in the audience that night... I needed it.
We pulled up on an Exxon, and it was less than inviting from the outside. It didn't exactly look like a family-friendly place, but I really needed the gum. So we pulled up and parked. As soon as I stepped out of the car, Vanessa locked the doors, and I didn't blame her.
I walked in, and got in line behind this rough, suspicious-looking older gentleman. He looked at me, smiled, and said, "How you doin'?" I said, "I'm doing pretty good, man. How about you?" To my surprise, he responded, "Blessed by the Best." And for the next five minutes, he gave me a testimony/sermon on how God had delivered him from an addiction to cocaine.
He had lost his wife of 35 years, his family, and his job. But he found Jesus and new life. He had been clean for a number of years now, and was telling me about all of the connections he still has from his days of addiction - and he calls these people, stops by, and seeks them out just to tell them that giving their life to the Lord can free them from their physical addiction and from their depraved lostness. In five minutes, he quoted more scripture - book, chapter, and verse - than I had quoted all week long.
I learned quite a few valuable lessons last Saturday evening. In a place I did not expect to find any trace of God, I was smacked in the back of the head with God's presence and His goodness. In a man in whom I expected to find depravity, I found riches. In a life torn by travesty, addiction, and regret, I found hope. This man had been forgiven much. And he was not ashamed to tell me about it.
Now that I'm reflecting on it more seriously, I think he was looking for someone to talk to about Jesus. He couldn't keep it in. The grace and mercy he had been shown was emanating from every pore of his tiny, elderly body. What a witness. How dare I judge so frivolously. This man blessed my heart with his infectious love of the Lord.
It makes me reflect on what I've been freed from. The horrible things I am ashamed to admit that I've done. The awful person I've been. The insults I've caused God via my own sin. And to know - that He has forgiven me... wow. How amazing is His love. How wide is His grace. How nondiscriminatory is His mercy. Thank you, Jesus.
I have not been able to get this guy out of my head. God has shown me so much through him. I hope to come across him again one day, just to let him know how much he blessed my heart. If not on this side of heaven, perhaps I'll meet him on That Great Day - where his rags will be riches, and his humility will be exaltation.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
5 Easy Ways to Lose Your Husband
1. Be negative. All the time.
Men and women both deal with negativity a lot. It seems to me, though, that women have a greater capacity to endure it. You probably won't notice, but if you're constantly negative, he'll completely shut you out. He won't listen to anything you're saying, and you will become little more than a live-in complainer-in-residence.
It is likely that he endures much negativity at work every day. Bosses complaining that his work doesn't live up to their standards... coworkers complaining about their wives and jobs... finances (personal and business) looking bleak at best. After so much negativity, he becomes immune to it. He'll just file away what you're saying with every other depressing thing he's heard today, and retreat to his inner, self-sustaining "man-zone" where he is the king of his own impenetrable emotional castle.
If you hope he'll shut you out of his life, and ignore everything you say... be negative a lot. But if you want him to value his time with you, smile. Be positive as much as you can. Encourage him. Or you'll lose him.
2. Solve his problems for him.
Many times, you'll know exactly what he needs to do to solve his problem. But communicating this solution is nothing shy of a fine art - one which most women have not learned.
Men, in general, do not want you to solve their problems. They want you to side with them. If he is bearing his soul to you and pouring his emotions into you, the ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU CAN DO is to minimize his problem by offering a quick, easy solution.
Has your husband ever said something like, "You just don't understand..." or... "I don't know why I tell you my problems..." or... "That's easy for you to say..." OR does he even share his frustrations with you anymore? If any of those things are characteristic of your conversations or your marriage, then you are probably minimizing his problems by offering quick solutions.
Autonomy is essential to men. We like to solve our own problems. And if you constantly offer quick solutions to your husband's Kilimanjaro-sized problems, he is slipping away from you fast.
3. Deny him in bed.
When men are rejected, they feel defeated. And I don't know many men who will keep fighting the same battle that they have lost over, and over, and over again. If you constantly deny his advances in bed, he will stop advancing. He will be confused over the signals you send, and he will rather not have sex with you at all than be embarrassed by your refusal even one more time.
In every case (except for one) that I've encountered concerning the infidelity of a husband, he rates his sex life at a 1 or 2 out of ten. Of course, that does not give him an excuse to seek out personal physical pleasure elsewhere. But I'll tell you what... If you want your husband to sleep with another woman, constantly deny him in bed. Works like a charm.
4. Nag him.
Sure, he hasn't mowed the grass this week. Yes, the light bulb in the bathroom needs changing. There is a leak under the kitchen faucet. He's known about all of these things for a week. And he still hasn't done them.
If you want to lose your husband, make sure you tell him every day how difficult it has been for you to live in "this house" with all of "these problems." Work these things in to every conversation. Have the kids hit him up about it.
Because us men are so prideful, the more you nag him about it, the less likely he is to get it done. He wants to accomplish those tasks not necessarily when it's convenient, but rather, when they are on HIS WATCH. He will feel much more productive around the house if he is the one who sets his own schedule.
Sometimes, we forget. A simple reminder in a non-threatening tone-of-voice is okay once a week or so. But it is more likely to get done if you'll mention it once and then let him decide when to fix it. What's so strange about this is that if he notices you struggling to work around these unaccomplished tasks - instead of you constantly TELLING him how you are struggling - he will most likely be motivated to get things done for you. A wife in quiet deliberation tugs at the heart of a loving husband every time.
5. Override or undermine his instruction to the kids.
Kids... you would think they are always loving, and would do anything at all to encourage your relationship with your spouse. But you would be wrong. Children live in me-land. They are largely narcissistic. And when one parent tells them something they don't want to hear, most of the time, they will ask the other parent and hope to get a different response. You don't have to teach your children this. It is innate.
Because the husband/father depends heavily on respect in his home, it is imperative that the children respect their father. If they don't he is left unfulfilled, and they grow up with a disastrous interpretation of the father's role in a family. When the wife/mother overturns or undermines the husband/father's instruction to the kids, he feels betrayed. If you disagree with your husband's decision concerning your children, ALWAYS take it directly and exclusively to your husband. Your children need to see a unified front. And you will do more good for them by upholding your husband's decisions than by disagreeing with him in front of them.
If you would like your husband to perceive a two-sided war between himself on the one side, and you with the kids on the other... go ahead and override or undermine his instruction. If you want him to regard you as an enemy rather than a partner, hook it up. And no doubt... the war will come. Except... there will be no winners. Only losers.
THINK ABOUT IT.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Men and women both deal with negativity a lot. It seems to me, though, that women have a greater capacity to endure it. You probably won't notice, but if you're constantly negative, he'll completely shut you out. He won't listen to anything you're saying, and you will become little more than a live-in complainer-in-residence.
It is likely that he endures much negativity at work every day. Bosses complaining that his work doesn't live up to their standards... coworkers complaining about their wives and jobs... finances (personal and business) looking bleak at best. After so much negativity, he becomes immune to it. He'll just file away what you're saying with every other depressing thing he's heard today, and retreat to his inner, self-sustaining "man-zone" where he is the king of his own impenetrable emotional castle.
If you hope he'll shut you out of his life, and ignore everything you say... be negative a lot. But if you want him to value his time with you, smile. Be positive as much as you can. Encourage him. Or you'll lose him.
2. Solve his problems for him.
Many times, you'll know exactly what he needs to do to solve his problem. But communicating this solution is nothing shy of a fine art - one which most women have not learned.
Men, in general, do not want you to solve their problems. They want you to side with them. If he is bearing his soul to you and pouring his emotions into you, the ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU CAN DO is to minimize his problem by offering a quick, easy solution.
Has your husband ever said something like, "You just don't understand..." or... "I don't know why I tell you my problems..." or... "That's easy for you to say..." OR does he even share his frustrations with you anymore? If any of those things are characteristic of your conversations or your marriage, then you are probably minimizing his problems by offering quick solutions.
Autonomy is essential to men. We like to solve our own problems. And if you constantly offer quick solutions to your husband's Kilimanjaro-sized problems, he is slipping away from you fast.
3. Deny him in bed.
When men are rejected, they feel defeated. And I don't know many men who will keep fighting the same battle that they have lost over, and over, and over again. If you constantly deny his advances in bed, he will stop advancing. He will be confused over the signals you send, and he will rather not have sex with you at all than be embarrassed by your refusal even one more time.
In every case (except for one) that I've encountered concerning the infidelity of a husband, he rates his sex life at a 1 or 2 out of ten. Of course, that does not give him an excuse to seek out personal physical pleasure elsewhere. But I'll tell you what... If you want your husband to sleep with another woman, constantly deny him in bed. Works like a charm.
4. Nag him.
Sure, he hasn't mowed the grass this week. Yes, the light bulb in the bathroom needs changing. There is a leak under the kitchen faucet. He's known about all of these things for a week. And he still hasn't done them.
If you want to lose your husband, make sure you tell him every day how difficult it has been for you to live in "this house" with all of "these problems." Work these things in to every conversation. Have the kids hit him up about it.
Because us men are so prideful, the more you nag him about it, the less likely he is to get it done. He wants to accomplish those tasks not necessarily when it's convenient, but rather, when they are on HIS WATCH. He will feel much more productive around the house if he is the one who sets his own schedule.
Sometimes, we forget. A simple reminder in a non-threatening tone-of-voice is okay once a week or so. But it is more likely to get done if you'll mention it once and then let him decide when to fix it. What's so strange about this is that if he notices you struggling to work around these unaccomplished tasks - instead of you constantly TELLING him how you are struggling - he will most likely be motivated to get things done for you. A wife in quiet deliberation tugs at the heart of a loving husband every time.
5. Override or undermine his instruction to the kids.
Kids... you would think they are always loving, and would do anything at all to encourage your relationship with your spouse. But you would be wrong. Children live in me-land. They are largely narcissistic. And when one parent tells them something they don't want to hear, most of the time, they will ask the other parent and hope to get a different response. You don't have to teach your children this. It is innate.
Because the husband/father depends heavily on respect in his home, it is imperative that the children respect their father. If they don't he is left unfulfilled, and they grow up with a disastrous interpretation of the father's role in a family. When the wife/mother overturns or undermines the husband/father's instruction to the kids, he feels betrayed. If you disagree with your husband's decision concerning your children, ALWAYS take it directly and exclusively to your husband. Your children need to see a unified front. And you will do more good for them by upholding your husband's decisions than by disagreeing with him in front of them.
If you would like your husband to perceive a two-sided war between himself on the one side, and you with the kids on the other... go ahead and override or undermine his instruction. If you want him to regard you as an enemy rather than a partner, hook it up. And no doubt... the war will come. Except... there will be no winners. Only losers.
THINK ABOUT IT.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
5 Easy Ways to Lose Your Wife
1. Spend more time at work or with the kids than with her.
Relationships take time. Many people don't realize the incredible damage done by simply NOT spending time with their spouse. If you feel like you're not "connecting" or like you can't seem to communicate effectively, it's probably because your conversations with her are few and far between, OR they last about a minute or two each.
Often, when relationships have degraded significantly, the last thing you want to do is spend time with each other. Maybe the bulk of your conversations with her have more often than not been negative or nonproductive. That's no reason to not communicate. Things will NOT get better without spending time together.
This means you'll (Yes, YOU!... not her) have to plan a date night. Schedule a babysitter. Spend some money. Yep, even after a hard week at work. Invest in your marriage. SCHEDULE time alone with your wife. Don't ask her to do it. You take the initiative.
It is alarming how many marriages end in divorce after the children leave home. One day, your kids will be grown, independent, and out of the house. One day, you will be retired. And you're going to have a LOT of time with your wife. The question is, "At that point, will you even know her?" Spend time with your wife. And lots of it.
2. Don't ask her opinion or include her in decisions.
Yes, the husband is the head of the household. Yes, the wife should be submissive to him in all things. Yes, "The buck stops here" (at your feet). BUT that does NOT give you license to disinvolve your wife. She has valuable insight. Most of the time, she will see a problem from a completely different perspective than you. If you include her and honestly consider her thoughts, you may be shocked at how often she can save you from making a stupid decision.
For some reason, men usually think of asking their wife's opinion or suggestion as a sign of weakness. Guess what - that's not how your wife sees it. If you ask, listen to, and honestly consider her opinion, you will be amazed at how your marriage will grow... and at how much more respect she will give you.
Swallow your pride. Include your wife in all decisions. Honer her opinion. Value her insight.
3. Talk about your marriage problems with another woman.
Triangulation. The only three people that belong in a marriage are husband, wife, and God. You should know better than to discuss your marital problems with another woman. I know, I know... "But we've been friends for as long as I can remember." Even. Worse.
Generally speaking, men find significance in autonomy and women find significance in relationship. I can't tell you how many couples I've counseled where the husband had been having an emotional affair with another woman. No kissing. No touching. No sex. Just talking.
Many times, for a woman, this is even more difficult to get over than a physical affair. Why? Because she values your emotional connection. If you lose that emotional connection with her, and especially if you invest those emotions in some other woman, count your wife as good as gone.
4. Make jokes about her figure.
It's not funny. At all. Every day, your wife spends more time worrying over her figure than you do working. There is such a huge cultural push for women to be unhealthily skinny. Next time you go shopping with your wife, look (but don't stare) at the women on the posters and signs. That is who she compares herself to. Daily. She shouldn't. I know. Those women are airbrushed, shape-shifted representations of reality. But it's just the truth.
What do you consider your weakest area? What do you worry over the most concerning your own personal abilities?... Got it?... Now what if your wife constantly made facetious or sarcastic remarks exploiting that weakness? Not cool, huh?
You should encourage your wife over her figure. And you should NEVER joke about it. It's not funny. It's not cute. And even if she is smiling, she doesn't get the joke. It's hurtful. It's insulting. It's disrespectful. Keep it up, and you will lose your wife.
5. Don't help around the house.
Yeah, I know - you work "all day long." And when you get home, you just "need to relax and unwind." Guess what? At that time of day, she does too. She has either been at work all day herself, OR she's been taking care of the kids and the house (working) all day. By the time you get home, she is just as worn out and frustrated as you are.
"But she's a 'HOME-MAKER.' That's her job!" True dat. But how would you like to come home from work every day, and keep working? You can help with dinner. You can help with dishes. You can help getting the kids baths and in bed. You can do those things. Consider them deposits in her love bank. They will take you a long way.
However, you are free to come home, sit in your chair, watch TV, and let your wife do all of the work. That's your choice. But don't get used to it. Because one day, you'll come home, sit in your chair, watch TV, and dinner won't be there. You'll notice the kids aren't screaming. And your devoted wife doesn't answer your every beckoning call. Because she'll be gone.
THINK ABOUT IT.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Relationships take time. Many people don't realize the incredible damage done by simply NOT spending time with their spouse. If you feel like you're not "connecting" or like you can't seem to communicate effectively, it's probably because your conversations with her are few and far between, OR they last about a minute or two each.
Often, when relationships have degraded significantly, the last thing you want to do is spend time with each other. Maybe the bulk of your conversations with her have more often than not been negative or nonproductive. That's no reason to not communicate. Things will NOT get better without spending time together.
This means you'll (Yes, YOU!... not her) have to plan a date night. Schedule a babysitter. Spend some money. Yep, even after a hard week at work. Invest in your marriage. SCHEDULE time alone with your wife. Don't ask her to do it. You take the initiative.
It is alarming how many marriages end in divorce after the children leave home. One day, your kids will be grown, independent, and out of the house. One day, you will be retired. And you're going to have a LOT of time with your wife. The question is, "At that point, will you even know her?" Spend time with your wife. And lots of it.
2. Don't ask her opinion or include her in decisions.
Yes, the husband is the head of the household. Yes, the wife should be submissive to him in all things. Yes, "The buck stops here" (at your feet). BUT that does NOT give you license to disinvolve your wife. She has valuable insight. Most of the time, she will see a problem from a completely different perspective than you. If you include her and honestly consider her thoughts, you may be shocked at how often she can save you from making a stupid decision.
For some reason, men usually think of asking their wife's opinion or suggestion as a sign of weakness. Guess what - that's not how your wife sees it. If you ask, listen to, and honestly consider her opinion, you will be amazed at how your marriage will grow... and at how much more respect she will give you.
Swallow your pride. Include your wife in all decisions. Honer her opinion. Value her insight.
3. Talk about your marriage problems with another woman.
Triangulation. The only three people that belong in a marriage are husband, wife, and God. You should know better than to discuss your marital problems with another woman. I know, I know... "But we've been friends for as long as I can remember." Even. Worse.
Generally speaking, men find significance in autonomy and women find significance in relationship. I can't tell you how many couples I've counseled where the husband had been having an emotional affair with another woman. No kissing. No touching. No sex. Just talking.
Many times, for a woman, this is even more difficult to get over than a physical affair. Why? Because she values your emotional connection. If you lose that emotional connection with her, and especially if you invest those emotions in some other woman, count your wife as good as gone.
4. Make jokes about her figure.
It's not funny. At all. Every day, your wife spends more time worrying over her figure than you do working. There is such a huge cultural push for women to be unhealthily skinny. Next time you go shopping with your wife, look (but don't stare) at the women on the posters and signs. That is who she compares herself to. Daily. She shouldn't. I know. Those women are airbrushed, shape-shifted representations of reality. But it's just the truth.
What do you consider your weakest area? What do you worry over the most concerning your own personal abilities?... Got it?... Now what if your wife constantly made facetious or sarcastic remarks exploiting that weakness? Not cool, huh?
You should encourage your wife over her figure. And you should NEVER joke about it. It's not funny. It's not cute. And even if she is smiling, she doesn't get the joke. It's hurtful. It's insulting. It's disrespectful. Keep it up, and you will lose your wife.
5. Don't help around the house.
Yeah, I know - you work "all day long." And when you get home, you just "need to relax and unwind." Guess what? At that time of day, she does too. She has either been at work all day herself, OR she's been taking care of the kids and the house (working) all day. By the time you get home, she is just as worn out and frustrated as you are.
"But she's a 'HOME-MAKER.' That's her job!" True dat. But how would you like to come home from work every day, and keep working? You can help with dinner. You can help with dishes. You can help getting the kids baths and in bed. You can do those things. Consider them deposits in her love bank. They will take you a long way.
However, you are free to come home, sit in your chair, watch TV, and let your wife do all of the work. That's your choice. But don't get used to it. Because one day, you'll come home, sit in your chair, watch TV, and dinner won't be there. You'll notice the kids aren't screaming. And your devoted wife doesn't answer your every beckoning call. Because she'll be gone.
THINK ABOUT IT.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Husbands, Love With Your Eyes
In ministry, it is a blessing and an honor to come across older men and women of God who have learned such incredible wisdom through their years. I am very often blown away by something an elder saint speaks. A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of the fine women of our church (Mary Ann Almendarez) who recited something her husband (Max) always tells young couples in turmoil... This gentleman says to the young husband - "You need to love with your eyes."
HUSBANDS (and young men) - Be honest with yourself... how often do you let your eyes wander? Any given day, you are enticed hundreds of times to take your eyes off of your beautiful bride and fix them on another woman. What is it about this other woman that rips your gaze away from the one whom you love and drags you into a curious glance? Most likely, it is the unknown...
I counsel lots of couples in marital crisis. If the husband is the one having offended (adultery, extra-marital emotional attachment, etc.), 99.9% of the time, he is a wanderer - metaphorically speaking. And what is so awful about this is that he usually doesn't even realize it, or he thinks there is no harm in it. Men, let me give you a clue - YOUR WIFE NOTICES and SHE IS HARMED. Women have a sixth sense (or maybe it's a seventh or eighth sense) about these things. Many times, they won't say anything... probably because it causes them to feel less attractive and insecure in your relationship. But if you think you're getting away with it, you've got another thing coming.
The Unknown - mysterious, curious, enticing, tantalizing... But never fulfilling, in this sense. Men, when your eyes wander, you are being suckered in to a fictional, unrealistic fantasy. Men who have extra-marital affairs (both physical and emotional) are blind to reality because of their curiosity toward the unknown. The relationship they have with the other woman is not real. They enjoy the emotional attachment (they once had with their wife) and the physical pleasure (they once had with their wife) but are not affected by the things that can bring difficulty and conflict into a relationship (they still have with their wife). What kinds of things?...
- shared financial burden
- children
- daily house chores
- long periods of time together
- in-laws
- spiritual/religious differences
... and many more. The extra-marital relationship is void of these things. It is not real. It is fake. Fantasy. Dream-world. What is so sad about this is that these very things that are absent from extra-marital affairs are the things which can potentially draw a couple together. Conflict is opportunity:
In a conflict management class by Dr. Mike Smith of the SBTC, I learned that the Chinese word for "conflict" is made up of two independent words... "danger" and "opportunity." The very things that we allow to drive us apart have the potential to pull us together, when dealt with appropriately. Conflict is not something from which to run. It's something we need to embrace and commit to resolve. That's how marriages/relationships grow. To live in a fantasy relationship where there is little potential for conflict is to live in a destructively fictitious world void of opportunity.
David allowed his eyes to wander (2 Samuel 11). Instead of marching into battle with his troops (like he should have), David stayed home during war-time. He got up from his bed and went up to the rooftop and... you guessed it... let his eyes wander. He saw Bathsheba bathing, and was filled with curiosity of the unknown. In Psalm 51 David cries out to the Lord because of the immense pain he has brought on himself. Pride --> Wandering Eyes --> Disobedience --> Pain.
"But it's just looking and that's okay." "You can look but you can't touch." I hope I'm not the first one to break it to you, husband, but those phrases are not in the Bible. Many men think that wandering eyes are not sinful, and do not affect their marriage. Wrong.
Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if you look at a woman with lust in your heart, you have committed adultery. Yep, really. I'm sure you've heard this before. But have you really applied it to your own life? If you've looked at a woman with lust in your heart, have you confessed that sin to God? That prayer might sound something like this: "God, I confess that I am an adulterer. Please restore me." Have you ever confessed to God that you are an adulterer? You might think that seems kindof harsh... "I'm not REALLY an adulterer... it's just a look." Not according to Jesus. Maybe your spirituality is better defined than Jesus'. Maybe you know more about what sin against God is than He does. Perhaps He should ask you to repent only when you've violated your own moral standards.
PRACTICALLY, men, this may be a challenge for you. But that doesn't change the imperativeness or urgency of the matter. In order to be restored, and to begin living a lifestyle of loving with your eyes, allow me to offer a few tips:
1. Confess. Call sin exactly what God calls it. Agree with Him that allowing your eyes to wander is sin. 1 John 1:9 says that He is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you of unrighteousness, if you'll only agree with Him that it is sin. Check your pride at the foot of the throne. Fall on your knees before Almighty, All-knowing God, and confess.
2. Pray. Constantly. Ask God to restore that sense of wonder and excitement toward your bride. Ask Him to show you how incredibly beautiful she is - to see her as He sees her. Get a God-sized perspective. Ask God to constantly remind you not to let your eyes wander. If you are really committed, ask Him to reveal your sin to you at the moment of its birth, so that you can get a grip on it before it drags you down to its destructive pit.
3. Look. At your wife, that is. Many guys are too caught up with their cell-phones, TV programs, and newspapers to get their eyes on their bride. Rediscover the intricacies of her gentle eyes... her flowing skin... her lush lips. What is it about your bride that used to make you stare and drool? We all did it. Good husbands still do.
4. Catch Yourself. If you've read this blog, this topic will most likely be on your mind the next time you see a woman. Seeing is one thing - "looking" is another. When (not if) you notice that your eyes are wandering, return them directly to your bride. If she is not there, put your eyes on the ground. Practice some self-control. Sometimes, calling your wife immediately will help. Whatever works for you - do it... quickly.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
HUSBANDS (and young men) - Be honest with yourself... how often do you let your eyes wander? Any given day, you are enticed hundreds of times to take your eyes off of your beautiful bride and fix them on another woman. What is it about this other woman that rips your gaze away from the one whom you love and drags you into a curious glance? Most likely, it is the unknown...
I counsel lots of couples in marital crisis. If the husband is the one having offended (adultery, extra-marital emotional attachment, etc.), 99.9% of the time, he is a wanderer - metaphorically speaking. And what is so awful about this is that he usually doesn't even realize it, or he thinks there is no harm in it. Men, let me give you a clue - YOUR WIFE NOTICES and SHE IS HARMED. Women have a sixth sense (or maybe it's a seventh or eighth sense) about these things. Many times, they won't say anything... probably because it causes them to feel less attractive and insecure in your relationship. But if you think you're getting away with it, you've got another thing coming.
The Unknown - mysterious, curious, enticing, tantalizing... But never fulfilling, in this sense. Men, when your eyes wander, you are being suckered in to a fictional, unrealistic fantasy. Men who have extra-marital affairs (both physical and emotional) are blind to reality because of their curiosity toward the unknown. The relationship they have with the other woman is not real. They enjoy the emotional attachment (they once had with their wife) and the physical pleasure (they once had with their wife) but are not affected by the things that can bring difficulty and conflict into a relationship (they still have with their wife). What kinds of things?...
- shared financial burden
- children
- daily house chores
- long periods of time together
- in-laws
- spiritual/religious differences
... and many more. The extra-marital relationship is void of these things. It is not real. It is fake. Fantasy. Dream-world. What is so sad about this is that these very things that are absent from extra-marital affairs are the things which can potentially draw a couple together. Conflict is opportunity:
In a conflict management class by Dr. Mike Smith of the SBTC, I learned that the Chinese word for "conflict" is made up of two independent words... "danger" and "opportunity." The very things that we allow to drive us apart have the potential to pull us together, when dealt with appropriately. Conflict is not something from which to run. It's something we need to embrace and commit to resolve. That's how marriages/relationships grow. To live in a fantasy relationship where there is little potential for conflict is to live in a destructively fictitious world void of opportunity.
David allowed his eyes to wander (2 Samuel 11). Instead of marching into battle with his troops (like he should have), David stayed home during war-time. He got up from his bed and went up to the rooftop and... you guessed it... let his eyes wander. He saw Bathsheba bathing, and was filled with curiosity of the unknown. In Psalm 51 David cries out to the Lord because of the immense pain he has brought on himself. Pride --> Wandering Eyes --> Disobedience --> Pain.
"But it's just looking and that's okay." "You can look but you can't touch." I hope I'm not the first one to break it to you, husband, but those phrases are not in the Bible. Many men think that wandering eyes are not sinful, and do not affect their marriage. Wrong.
Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if you look at a woman with lust in your heart, you have committed adultery. Yep, really. I'm sure you've heard this before. But have you really applied it to your own life? If you've looked at a woman with lust in your heart, have you confessed that sin to God? That prayer might sound something like this: "God, I confess that I am an adulterer. Please restore me." Have you ever confessed to God that you are an adulterer? You might think that seems kindof harsh... "I'm not REALLY an adulterer... it's just a look." Not according to Jesus. Maybe your spirituality is better defined than Jesus'. Maybe you know more about what sin against God is than He does. Perhaps He should ask you to repent only when you've violated your own moral standards.
PRACTICALLY, men, this may be a challenge for you. But that doesn't change the imperativeness or urgency of the matter. In order to be restored, and to begin living a lifestyle of loving with your eyes, allow me to offer a few tips:
1. Confess. Call sin exactly what God calls it. Agree with Him that allowing your eyes to wander is sin. 1 John 1:9 says that He is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you of unrighteousness, if you'll only agree with Him that it is sin. Check your pride at the foot of the throne. Fall on your knees before Almighty, All-knowing God, and confess.
2. Pray. Constantly. Ask God to restore that sense of wonder and excitement toward your bride. Ask Him to show you how incredibly beautiful she is - to see her as He sees her. Get a God-sized perspective. Ask God to constantly remind you not to let your eyes wander. If you are really committed, ask Him to reveal your sin to you at the moment of its birth, so that you can get a grip on it before it drags you down to its destructive pit.
3. Look. At your wife, that is. Many guys are too caught up with their cell-phones, TV programs, and newspapers to get their eyes on their bride. Rediscover the intricacies of her gentle eyes... her flowing skin... her lush lips. What is it about your bride that used to make you stare and drool? We all did it. Good husbands still do.
4. Catch Yourself. If you've read this blog, this topic will most likely be on your mind the next time you see a woman. Seeing is one thing - "looking" is another. When (not if) you notice that your eyes are wandering, return them directly to your bride. If she is not there, put your eyes on the ground. Practice some self-control. Sometimes, calling your wife immediately will help. Whatever works for you - do it... quickly.
Husband, love your wife with your eyes.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
Monday, April 18, 2011
Narcissistic Christianity: An American Epidemic
He said that his past experiences with Christians was one of great disappointment. He asked honest questions, and instead of taking the time to answer them, they (the Christians) would just tell him he had to "have faith." In his mind, it created a dichotomy of sorts - this pitted faith against reason. It was either have blind faith in God and be saved or ask questions and stay lost.
He went on to describe his experience at several churches in our area over the past few years. I paraphrase here, having asked his permission:
"I would go in to church and it was like the youth weren't really allowed with the adults. We had to stay separate. That was okay with me, but as the evenings progressed at these different churches, I noticed some trends... I was expected to hang out with my friends that were there, play some crazy games, listen to a band play some Christian music I had never heard before, and listen to a motivational speech that was ambiguous at best. I didn't feel like I learned anything. I had the same questions when I left as I had when I went in. And I certainly didn't feel like I had experienced the God that I came to church looking for. I was looking for something to change my life. Something big and meaningful. I stopped going to all of them because I knew of plenty of places I could hear a motivational speech, or hang out with my friends, and listen to music that I actually knew and liked."
You know why he came to our Bible study? Because of personal interaction and invitation from friends. He has not attended a church service of ours. He has not come to our youth group. He wants to study the claims of scripture and evaluate for himself the message of the gospel.
"Isolated case," you say. I beg to differ. In fact, I believe whole heartedly that people in our culture today are desperately seeking for a truth they can hold onto when their lives are broken and everything else in their world is shaken beyond recognition. I believe they ask difficult questions because they really want answers. I believe they try a church because they recognize a need for something they're lacking. I believe that the only thing which will satisfy their longings is the unadulterated truth of the gospel message.
I might take some heat for this one - but it seems to me that our churches (yes, our Southern Baptist ones) have spent much time, energy, and resources into developing the "come-and-see" model of ecclesiology. Catch-phrases like, "We have something for everyone," "Come and experience the love of Jesus," and "The best children and youth programs around" saturate our advertisements and dialogue. We have completely revamped our sanctuaries and musical styles/instrumentation to attract and "draw in" all that will come. After all, we want them to feel comfortable when they enter our doors.
Not that there's anything wrong with being comfortable. Or with dynamic music programs, technical savviness, or well-planned children and youth departments. But I fear we are creating a subculture of narcissistic Christians in our American churches. Allow me to explain.
First of all, there's the biblical problem with this ecclesiology: Namely, that the church was never meant to function as a "come-and-see" attraction. The church is a "go-and-tell" organism (Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 1:8, etc.). In the biblical model, believers were made OUTSIDE of the church walls and then assimilated into the body. We, however, have adopted the opposite as "ordinary" and "normal" - namely, that we invite the lost to church, and hope they accept Christ during the invitation time. Are invitations bad? No. Should we refrain from inviting the lost to our churches? No. But the primary methodology for evangelizing the lost and defending the faith should be done outside of the church walls. Every believer should be mission-minded. Every church member should be spreading the gospel message during the week. This is the primary method of cultural gospel saturation as prescribed in the New Testament scriptures.
In the 19th century, Charles Finney and later, D.L. Moody, pioneered the concept and practice of an "altar call" or "invitation" at the end of every service. I know that the idea of giving the listener an opportunity to respond is present in scripture. But the actual invitation as we know it (at the end of a sermon in a worship service) was not widely used until Finney. Was the invitation/altar call an incredible innovation? Absolutely. Is it still a good idea to utilize this methodology in our churches today? You bet. But I believe that to some extent, our church members have subconsciously taken advantage of this innovation, and because of this, have become less and less likely to share the plan of salvation with their family, friends, and coworkers.
I know many church members (and lets, be honest, you do too) who did not share the plan of salvation with even one person last year. I've encountered many church members who don't even know how to present the plan of salvation. BUT - - - they invite their friends to church and that's where they hear the gospel and are offered an opportunity to accept Christ. That's good enough, isn't it? No. God has given every Christian a circle of influence - a specific group of people, however small or large, and each are more likely to listen to and trust him or her than anyone else on the planet. A thousand sermons and invitations don't measure up to one sincere presentation of the gospel message from someone you know intimately cares about you. We must reclaim the responsibility of personal evangelism.
Secondly, there's a psychological problem with our American ecclesiology. Again, we spend innumerable amounts of time, money, and resources developing an attraction model of church. The old phrase rings in my head right now, "The method changes, but the message remains the same." As true as that may be, at what point can we determine if we are message-centered or method-centered? What kind of church members... what kind of Christianity are we creating?
Those who come to church and accept Christ because the music is awesome, the people there are fun, or the pyrotechnics are "dynamite" - are they really accepting a Matthew 16:25 Christianity? Are they really being set up for a Romans 6 lifestyle? Will they be able to separate a preference-grounded faith from a faith-grounded worldview?
The psychological difficulty with attractional ecclesiology is that it connects secular pleasure and unwavering preference with Christianity. It is almost as if to say that Christianity can be "cool" by the world's standards. That I don't have to change to become Christian. That my church can feel just like the culture - accepting, tolerant, and contemporary. But if someone has made this psychological connection and has been grounded in it, what will come of his faith when the popular culture changes? The answer - Narcissistic Christianity. And it is spreading like wildfire. It's an epidemic.
"Worship Wars." That three syllable phrase makes me cringe every time I hear it. Why in the world would CHRISTIANS be "war-ing" over Worship???!!! I'll tell you why. Because our "worship" has become more preference-centered than God-centered. Our preaching has become more method-centered than message-centered. Our churches have become more culture-centered than Bible-centered.
The difficulty here is that preferences change with every generation. What we did to "draw people in" in the 50's is different from what we did to "draw people in" in the 70's. And neither of those approaches look like what will "draw people in" now. The solution?: Stop being so focused on drawing people in, and concentrate our energy on sending Christians out. Will this stop all controversy over preference? Nope. Will it fix every problem with the method of worship or gospel delivery? Probably not. But will it reach people at their place of personal need? Yes.
My friend whom I paraphrased at the beginning of this post was visiting churches looking for something real. I am embarrassed for my sister churches (knowing that for some in our community, it has been our church that has failed in the same capacity) to say that he did not find what he was looking for. Tonight, I had the privilege of visiting with another young man who recently accepted Christ. He echoed the same sentiments. He had been in several churches over the past few years, but never found anything of substance.
What won this young man over? Do you think it was the awesome music? No, that wasn't it. The fancy lighting? Still not it. The dynamic programs and excursions in the youth group? No. You know what won him over? Truth. The need of a Savior, and the gift of a loving God. That is the gospel message. That is what will effectively change lives. That is what will transform our culture and our world. The good news. Maybe we should stop focussing so much on how we can draw people in, and start focussing a little more on how we can send our church members out to saturate their circle of influence with the truth of the gospel.
Grace and Peace,
Tony
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